By Jim DeBrosse

Cell phones — nuisance or necessity? You decide.

Here are some snippets of actual family conversations.

            Dad: I’m at Meijer. Did you guys say you wanted the maple syrup Eggo cereal or the cinnamon toast?

            Son: Do they have Apple Jacks?

            Dad: I told you I don’t buy Apple Jacks. I don’t like the food coloring.

            Son: Whatever.

            Dad: So, is it maple syrup or cinnamon toast?

            Son: Can you pick up some beef jerky? I’m starved.

*****

            Younger Daughter: Dad, where are you?

            Dad: What do you mean? I’m at work.

            YD: You were supposed to pick me up from drum lessons.

            Dad: It’s Monday. Drum lessons are Tuesday.

            YD: Jackie changed it, don’t you remember?

            Dad: Aaaargh. I’m on deadline for a story.

            YD: Da-a-a-d! I’ve got a soccer game at 6:30!

            Dad: Sit tight. I’ll see if I can reach (my cousin) Peggy on her cell.

            Peggy: Hello.

            Dad: Peggy, can you get (YD) from her drum lesson?

            Peggy: I thought that was on Tuesdays.

            Dad: Yes, but… What the–! Peggy, can you hear me? Are you there!?

*****

            Son: Dad, I need a ride home.

            Dad: I’m picking up (YD) from her drum lesson. Where are you?

            Son: I’m at Matt’s. Can you come get me?

            Dad: Don’t you have your bike?

            Son: Yeah.

            Dad: Then ride it home.

            Son: I don’t know the way.

            Dad: What do you mean? How did you get there?

            Son: I don’t know. I just got here.

            Dad: Then find your way. (YD) has a soccer game in 30 minutes.

            Son: Dad! No! I’m like really, really tired. We’ve been riding bikes all day.

            Dad: Then ride home!

            Son: Forget it. Noah says his mom is picking us up.

            Dad: @#!*$!!!!

*****

            YD’s cell phone goes off, to the tune of Maybe I’m Crazy.

            YD: Leah! OK, here’s the game plan for tonight.

            Dad: I thought we said no phone calls on family walks.

            Older Daughter: Yeah, (YD)! Get off the phone!

            YD: Quiet! I’m trying to talk to Leah, okay!

            Older Daughter’s cell phone goes off, to the tune of Miss Jackson.

            OD: I can’t talk. We’re on a family walk — Really? She said that? Get real!

            Dad: OK, guys, this is ridiculous! I’m taking Bandit home.

            YD: Dad, where are you going? I thought we were taking a walk — No, not you, Leah — Dad!

            Dad: Darnit. I said no cell phones on family walks.

            YD and OD (both hanging up): OK, OK!

            Dad’s cell phone goes off, to the tune of Claire de Lune.

            Dad: Oh, no! I’ve been trying to reach this guy all day. I can’t help it, I’ve got to take this call.

            YD and OD: Da-a-a-d!

DATE: June 29, 2007                                      PUBLICATION: Dayton Daily News (OH)

            Copyright, 2007, Cox Ohio Publishing. All rights reserved.